Sh tty Mum

Sh tty Mum Author Mary Ann Zoellner
ISBN-10 9781444755213
Release 2012-09-13
Pages 224
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Children. They want everything and they want it now. They don't care about killing your sex life or the way they add six inches to the length of your breasts, and they sure as hell don't give a sh*t that you only slept four hours last night. Any person, physical need or dream that takes you away from them for even five seconds is their natural enemy and must be crushed with loud, endless cries. This book is about how to survive babies, and what they grow into: children. It's about shortcuts and parenting with 40% effort. You'll learn how to ignore, avoid, threaten and lie in easy-to-skim-while-locked-in-the-bathroom mini-chapters, plus valuable 'How to Fake it' tips to help you through those days when there isn't enough sh*tty advice in the world. We get you. We get your little dictators. And we can help.



Sh tty Mom for All Seasons

Sh tty Mom for All Seasons Author Alicia Ybarbo
ISBN-10 9781613127193
Release 2016-04-05
Pages 176
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The authors of the New York Times–bestselling Sh*tty Mom are back with a hilarious guide presenting common parenting scenarios with advice for getting through the year the sh*tty mom way. Told in the same tongue-in-cheek voice as the original, this sequel is full of funny parenting tips and relatable stories for contemporary moms. Sh*tty Mom for All Seasons explores the occasions throughout the year that test every mother’s patience and inspire self-deprecating humor and that second glass of wine. With chapters organized by season, the book will teach you how to navigate the bumpy roads of motherhood, learn to laugh at the occasional parenting fail, and maybe even appreciate your own mother. Or not. Sample chapters for the sh*tty mom year include: Fall: “Yes, We All Have to Be Here: The Annual PTO Funsraiser” Winter: “Mom’s Real New Year’s Resolutions” Spring: “I’m Running Off with the Gardner: April Fools!” Summer: “Summer Reading Lists & Other Great Reasons Why You Don’t Home School” The Emmy Award–winning TODAY show producers and self-proclaimed sh*tty moms, Alicia Ybarbo and Mary Ann Zoellner, together with humorist Erin Clune, bring you the perfect book for mothers who don’t take themselves too seriously.



Confessions of a Scary Mommy

Confessions of a Scary Mommy Author Jill Smokler
ISBN-10 9781451673784
Release 2012-04-03
Pages 176
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Sometimes I just let my children fall asleep in front of the TV. In a culture that idealizes motherhood, it’s scary to confess that, in your house, being a mother is beautiful and dirty and joyful and frustrating all at once. Admitting that it’s not easy doesn’t make you a bad mom; at least, it shouldn’t. If I can’t survive my daughter as a toddler, how the hell am I going to get through the teenage years? When Jill Smokler was first home with her small children, she thought her blog would be something to keep friends and family updated. To her surprise, she hit a chord in the hearts of mothers everywhere. I end up doing my son’s homework. It’s wrong, but so much easier. Total strangers were contributing their views on that strange reality called motherhood. As other women shared their stories, Jill realized she wasn’t alone in her feelings of exhaustion and imperfection. My eighteen month old still can’t say “Mommy” but used the word “shit” in perfect context. But she sensed her readers were still holding back, so decided to start an anonymous confessional, a place where real moms could leave their most honest thoughts without fearing condemnation. I pretend to be happy but I cry every night in the shower. The reactions were amazing: some sad, some pee-in-your-pants funny, some brutally honest. But they were real, not a commercial glamorization. I clock out of motherhood at 8 P.M. and hide in the basement with my laptop and a beer. If you’re already a fan, lock the bathroom door on your whining kids, run a bubble bath, and settle in. If you’ve not encountered Scary Mommy before, break out a glass of champagne as well, because you’ll be toasting your initiation into a select club. I know why some animals eat their young. In chapters that cover husbands (The Biggest Baby of Them All) to homework (Didn’t I Already Graduate?), Confessions of a Scary Mommy combines all-new essays from Jill with the best of the anonymous confessions. Sometimes I wish my son was still little—then I hear kids screaming at the store. As Jill says, “We like to paint motherhood as picture perfect. A newborn peacefully resting on his mother’s chest. A toddler taking tentative first steps into his mother’s loving arms. A mother fluffing her daughter’s prom dress. These moments are indeed miraculous and joyful; they can also be few and far between.” Of course you adore your kids. Of course you would lay down your life for them. But be honest now: Have you ever wondered what possessed you to sign up for the job of motherhood? STOP! DO NOT OPEN THIS BOOK UNTIL YOU RECITE THESE VOWS! I shall remember that no mother is perfect and my children will thrive because, and sometimes even in spite, of me. I shall not preach to a fellow mother who has not asked my opinion. It’s none of my damn business. I shall maintain a sense of humor about all things motherhood.



Today s Moms

Today s Moms Author Mary Ann Zoellner
ISBN-10 9780061899188
Release 2009-04-28
Pages 256
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Two producers of Today share their experiences and wisdom on baby's first year, along with priceless advice and anecdotes from the anchors and experts on America's number-one morning show. Being a new mother can be extremely nerve-racking and exhausting, and many moms find parenting advice, comfort, and humor on the Today show. Now all that advice and more is collected in Today's Moms, a one-stop guide to everything a new mother needs to know about her baby's first year, from the best breastfeeding products to reclaiming fun and intimacy with her partner after the baby. Full of behind-the-scenes stories with moms and experts, Today's Moms provides the most up-to-date news and information with easy, entertaining ways to help mothers keep their sanity. And it's all medically reviewed by NBC medical experts Dr. Nancy Snyderman and Dr. Tanya Benenson. Contributors include Meredith Vieira, Ann Curry, Matt Lauer, Al Roker, Kathie Lee Gifford, and many others. Written in a friendly and accessible tone, with straightforward, honest advice and expert information, Today's Moms will help all moms feel more confident about their first year of motherhood.



Moms Who Drink and Swear

Moms Who Drink and Swear Author Nicole Knepper
ISBN-10 9781101650943
Release 2013-04-02
Pages 336
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If you feel like your kids are killing you, you’ve come to the right place. Attention all potty-mouthed, cheap-wine-drinking mothers: Prepare to meet your match. Any bad thought you’ve had about your kids, Nicole Knepper has had worse. Much worse. It’s not that she doesn’t love her kids. It’s that she understands what a mind-f*?% it can be to try to civilize those wild little beasts. Based on her hugely popular Facebook page, “Moms Who Drink and Swear,” this book reveals why family dinners are like herpes, how to avoid smashing toys that are being fought over, and the joy of hearing that your son has murdered his imaginary friend. As Nicole rants and raves about caring for children (without crushing their souls), family togetherness (without too many tears), the saving grace of girlfriends (and vodka), and love and marriage (and all the baggage that goes with them), she gets to the heart of what every exasperated mom is thinking, just much funnier.



Confessions of a Domestic Failure

Confessions of a Domestic Failure Author Bunmi Laditan
ISBN-10 9781488022883
Release 2017-05-01
Pages 400
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Instant Bestseller From the creator of The Honest Toddler comes a fiction debut sure to be a must-read for moms everywhere There are good moms and bad moms—and then there are hot-mess moms. Introducing Ashley Keller, career girl turned stay-at-home mom who's trying to navigate the world of Pinterest-perfect, Facebook-fantastic and Instagram-impressive mommies but failing miserably. When Ashley gets the opportunity to participate in the Motherhood Better boot camp run by the mommy-blog-empire maven she idolizes, she jumps at the chance to become the perfect mom she's always wanted to be. But will she fly high or flop? With her razor-sharp wit and knack for finding the funny in everything, Bunmi Laditan creates a character as flawed and lovable as Bridget Jones or Becky Bloomwood while hilariously lambasting the societal pressures placed upon every new mother. At its heart, Ashley's story reminds moms that there's no way to be perfect, but many ways to be great.



The Mommy Shorts Guide to Remarkably Average Parenting

The Mommy Shorts Guide to Remarkably Average Parenting Author Ilana Wiles
ISBN-10 9781613123287
Release 2016-09-27
Pages 224
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Ilana Wiles is not a good mother. She’s not a bad mother either. Like most of us, she’s normal. From the creator of the wildly popular blog Mommy Shorts comes Ilana Wiles’s first humor book on remarkably average parenting. If you want solid advice about raising kids, this book is not for you. If you want to wallow in your own misery about how having kids is AWFUL, this book is not for you. This book pays homage to the every-parent and suggests that they are the people having the best child-rearing experience of all. Using Wiles’s signature infographics and photographs to illustrate her personal and hilarious essays on motherhood, the book is an honest guide that celebrates the fun of being a mom.



I Was a Really Good Mom Before I Had Kids

I Was a Really Good Mom Before I Had Kids Author Trisha Ashworth
ISBN-10 0811871665
Release 2010-07-01
Pages 176
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I don't know how she does it! is an oft-heard refrain about mothers today. Funnily enough, most moms agree they have no idea how they get it done, or whether they even want the job. Trisha Ashworth and Amy Nobile spoke to mothers of every stripe--working, stay-at-home, part-time--and found a surprisingly similar trend in their interviews. After enthusing about her lucky life for twenty minutes, a mother would then break down and admit that her child's first word was "Shrek." As one mom put it, "Am I happy? The word that describes me best is challenged." Fresh from the front lines of modern motherhood comes a book that uncovers the guilty secrets of moms today . . . in their own words. I Was a Really Good Mom Before I Had Kids diagnoses the craziness and offers real solutions, so that mothers can step out of the madness and learn to love motherhood as much as they love their kids.



Ketchup Is a Vegetable

Ketchup Is a Vegetable Author Robin O'Bryant
ISBN-10 9781466857193
Release 2013-10-14
Pages 240
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If you don't have anything nice to say about motherhood, then... read this book. Robin O'Bryant offers a no holds barred look at the day to day life of being a mother to three, running a household and the everyday monotony of parenting. It's not always pretty but it's real. Whether she's stuffing cabbage in her bra... dealing with defiant yet determined daughters... yelling at the F.B.I... or explaining the birds and the bees to her preschooler... you're sure to find dozens of humorous and relatable situations. From the creator of Robin's Chicks, one of the South's most popular blogs on motherhood, misunderstandings and musings, comes a collection of essays that will not only make you laugh and cry, but realize that you're not alone in your journey. Sit back and relax, pour yourself some "mommy juice," throw a fresh diaper on your baby and deadbolt the bedroom door to keep your kids out... because once you start reading you'll be too busy wiping away tears of laughter to wipe anybody's butt.



Reasons Mommy Drinks

Reasons Mommy Drinks Author Lyranda Martin-Evans
ISBN-10 9780385349291
Release 2013
Pages 223
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Based on the popular blog, an uproarious collection of essays on the struggles of new motherhood is complemented by cocktail recipes and shares the stories of two award-winning businesswomen who bonded over their love for their babies and mutual bewilderment at the myriad ways their lives were upended. Original.



Toddlers Are A holes

Toddlers Are A  holes Author Bunmi Laditan
ISBN-10 9780761185758
Release 2015-04-07
Pages 176
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Toddler a**holery is a normal part of human development—not unlike puberty, except this stage involves throwing food on the floor and taking swings at people who pay your way in life. For parents of toddlers, it's a "you better laugh so you don't cry" period. Bunmi Laditan's hilarious, satirical guide to toddlerhood offers parents instant (and very welcome) comic relief—along with the very good news that "It's Not Your Fault." Chapters cover the cost of raising a toddler, feeding your toddler, potty-training, tantrums, how to manage the holidays, and "how not to die inside." Parents will see themselves in the very funny sections on taking your toddler to restaurants ("One parent will spend their time walking your toddler around the restaurant and outside like a cocker spaniel, while the other, luckier parent will eat alone."), Things You Thought You'd Never Say That You Now Say As a Parent of a Toddler ("I can tell you're pooping because your eyes are watering."), and how to order pizza ("Spend $40 on pizza delivery. Listen to your toddler cry for 30 minutes about how the pizza is all wrong. Watch your toddler take a small bite of crust. Google 'can anger give you a heart attack?' Start the bedtime routine."). Laditan's wildly funny voice has attracted hundreds of thousands of fans of Honest Toddler on social media; here she speaks parent-to-tired-parent, easing the pains and challenges of raising toddlers with a hefty dose of adult humor and wit.



Shooting in Sh tty Light

Shooting in Sh tty Light Author Lindsay Adler
ISBN-10 9780133093735
Release 2012-10-04
Pages 240
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Sometimes photographers have to shoot in less than ideal lighting situations. Maybe the wedding is mid-day in the middle of a field, or perhaps the event is in a florescent-lit room. These scenarios can be particularly intimidating for beginning photographers who don't know how to handle the many undesirable lighting situations they may encounter. In Shooting in Sh*tty Light, professional photographers Lindsay Adler and Erik Valind cover the top ten worst lighting situations and provide a variety of solutions for each. They explain which solutions are most practical and why one option might be preferable over another, examining such problems as extremely low lighting when no flash is allowed, strong backlight, and the light on an overcast day. Unlike other books that focus on natural light or lighting in general, this book addresses a very real need of beginning photographers, answering the question, “What do I do when the lighting is terrible?” Lindsay and Erik candidly show you the tools at your disposal, demonstrating the techniques essential to getting the job done with minimal fuss. Shows how to deal with ten of the worst lighting situations, such as harsh midday light, extremely low light, and mixed light. Offers real-life examples and practical solutions for handling poor light, such as identifying natural reflectors, bouncing light off a wall, or utilizing flash gels. Features a fun, conversational style to help you conquer the fear of poor lighting and approach any lighting situation with confidence!



Sippy Cups Are Not for Chardonnay

Sippy Cups Are Not for Chardonnay Author Stefanie Wilder-Taylor
ISBN-10 1416940839
Release 2006-04-01
Pages 240
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The moment the second line on the pee stick turns pink, women discover they've entered a world of parenting experts. Friends, family, colleagues, the UPS delivery guy -- suddenly everybody is a trove of advice, much of it contradictory and confusing. With dire warnings of what will happen if baby is fed on demand and even direr warnings of what will happen if he isn't, not to mention hordes of militant "lactivists," cosleeping advocates, and books on what to worry about next, modern parenthood can seem like a minefield. In busy Mom-friendly short essays, Sippy Cups Are Not for Chardonnay delivers the empathetic straight dirt on parenting, tackling everything from Mommy & Me classes ("Your baby doesn't need to be making friends at three months old -- you do! But not with people you'll meet at Mommy & Me") to attachment parenting ("If you're holding your baby 24/7, that's not a baby, that's a tumor"). Stefanie Wilder-Taylor combines practical tips with sidesplitting humor and refreshing honesty, assuring women that they can be good mothers and responsibly make their own choices. A witty and welcome antidote to trendy parenting texts and scarifying case studies, Sippy Cups Are Not for Chardonnay provides genuine support, encouragement, and indispensable common-sense advice.



Common Sense Pregnancy

Common Sense Pregnancy Author Jeanne Faulkner
ISBN-10 9781607746768
Release 2015-06-09
Pages 256
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Become a mama without the drama When you’re pregnant, your friends, the Internet, and even your doctor often give advice that leaves you anxious and overwhelmed. You deserve a calm, straightforward, no-nonsense pregnancy. It’s time to dial down the stress and dial up the common sense. Common Sense Pregnancy is a breath of fresh air: accessible, authoritative, funny, reassuring, and personable, while still chock-full of comprehensive, medically-sound advice. Women's health expert, labor nurse, mother of four, and Fit Pregnancy.com columnist Jeanne Faulkner has been at the bedside for thousands of deliveries and provides the honest insider advice you need during pregnancy, labor, birth, and beyond, including straight talk on: · Which prenatal tests you actually need, and which you don’t. · Who’s on your labor team—and how to keep your labor room drama free. · What about sex? · How to deal with feeling lousy. · What works and what doesn’t for starting labor naturally. · How to avoid unneces­sary and risky medical interventions. Whether you want your pregnancy and birth to be all natural, all medical, or something in between, Common Sense Pregnancy eliminates the fear and puts you in charge of your body and prenatal experience, and helps you make the right choices for you and your baby. From the Trade Paperback edition.



Kid in the Crib

Kid in the Crib Author Lex Friedman
ISBN-10 9780762787340
Release 2012-09-04
Pages 48
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A children’s book for adults in the vein of the mega-bestselling Go the F**k to Sleep, The Kid in the Crib brilliantly reimagines the Dr. Seuss classic, The Cat in the Hat, for beleaguered parents struggling with the anxieties and challenges of parenting in the 21st century. It substitutes the typical worries, frustrations, and challenges of modern parenting for Seuss's original story about a kindly feline and the children he befriends. It lays out the daily power struggle between parents as they each insist that it's the other one's turn to deal with the befouled diaper, and the bleary-headedness that coincides with an infant's sleeping patterns. Parents will chuckle as they read "The kid spat up white/The kid spat up green/The kid spat up more spit up/Than we'd ever seen." This pitch-perfect parody—expertly illustrated by graphic designer Felix Schlater—paints an honest portrait of parenting that will have moms and dads nodding in recognition and howling with laughter. And it is a story that parents will delight in reading, both to each other--and even to their kids someday.



I Don t Know Why She Bothers

I Don t Know Why She Bothers Author Daisy Waugh
ISBN-10 9780297868774
Release 2013-07-04
Pages 320
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A timely, intelligent and important book for fans of LEAN IN and Caitlin Moran: why do modern mothers allow themselves to suffer from so much guilt? Mothering skills are now scrutinised, measured, judged, discussed and disapproved of like never before. The bar is set so preposterously high, it's impossible, at least in the early years, not to feel like a long lost loser: and honestly, mothers only have themselves to blame... Motherly love is ferocious, intense, fathomless, unconditional and absolute. Daisy will add a dusting of reality to the sickly sweet bake-your-own rubbish by covering topics such as breast pumps, other children, sleepovers, swearing (yours and theirs) and contagious diseases. It's time to burn the maternity bras and Daisy is the first at the stake to exclaim, 'Enough! Life is short. Mothers adore their children. But they're people too. And that is more than just a mother.'



Oops How to Rock the Mother of All Surprises

Oops  How to Rock the Mother of All Surprises Author Tracy Moore
ISBN-10 9781440562075
Release 2013-09-18
Pages 256
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"Ready or not, here comes baby! Talk about a bump in the road. Whether you were waiting until "the right time" to have kids or hoped and pleaded the day wouldn't come, you'll breathe a sigh of relief when you flip through Oops! In this collection of humorous essays, Jezebel.com blogger Tracy Moore shares her personal experiences with jumping headfirst into motherhood--without a clue what she was doing. Unexpectedly pregnant at thirty-three, Moore's life completely changed when she had to give up her beloved cigarettes and cold deli meats and quickly learn how to care for the little bundle of (ahem) joy growing inside her. Her honest advice will help you cope with all the changes and feelings that will occur on your way to parenthood. From stockpiling baby supplies in just a few months to being the lone sober one at a party, this book answers all your questions and braces you for the unexpected.