Confessions of a Scary Mommy

Confessions of a Scary Mommy Author Jill Smokler
ISBN-10 9781451673784
Release 2012-04-03
Pages 176
Download Link Click Here

Sometimes I just let my children fall asleep in front of the TV. In a culture that idealizes motherhood, it’s scary to confess that, in your house, being a mother is beautiful and dirty and joyful and frustrating all at once. Admitting that it’s not easy doesn’t make you a bad mom; at least, it shouldn’t. If I can’t survive my daughter as a toddler, how the hell am I going to get through the teenage years? When Jill Smokler was first home with her small children, she thought her blog would be something to keep friends and family updated. To her surprise, she hit a chord in the hearts of mothers everywhere. I end up doing my son’s homework. It’s wrong, but so much easier. Total strangers were contributing their views on that strange reality called motherhood. As other women shared their stories, Jill realized she wasn’t alone in her feelings of exhaustion and imperfection. My eighteen month old still can’t say “Mommy” but used the word “shit” in perfect context. But she sensed her readers were still holding back, so decided to start an anonymous confessional, a place where real moms could leave their most honest thoughts without fearing condemnation. I pretend to be happy but I cry every night in the shower. The reactions were amazing: some sad, some pee-in-your-pants funny, some brutally honest. But they were real, not a commercial glamorization. I clock out of motherhood at 8 P.M. and hide in the basement with my laptop and a beer. If you’re already a fan, lock the bathroom door on your whining kids, run a bubble bath, and settle in. If you’ve not encountered Scary Mommy before, break out a glass of champagne as well, because you’ll be toasting your initiation into a select club. I know why some animals eat their young. In chapters that cover husbands (The Biggest Baby of Them All) to homework (Didn’t I Already Graduate?), Confessions of a Scary Mommy combines all-new essays from Jill with the best of the anonymous confessions. Sometimes I wish my son was still little—then I hear kids screaming at the store. As Jill says, “We like to paint motherhood as picture perfect. A newborn peacefully resting on his mother’s chest. A toddler taking tentative first steps into his mother’s loving arms. A mother fluffing her daughter’s prom dress. These moments are indeed miraculous and joyful; they can also be few and far between.” Of course you adore your kids. Of course you would lay down your life for them. But be honest now: Have you ever wondered what possessed you to sign up for the job of motherhood? STOP! DO NOT OPEN THIS BOOK UNTIL YOU RECITE THESE VOWS! I shall remember that no mother is perfect and my children will thrive because, and sometimes even in spite, of me. I shall not preach to a fellow mother who has not asked my opinion. It’s none of my damn business. I shall maintain a sense of humor about all things motherhood.



Confessions of a Scary Mommy

Confessions of a Scary Mommy Author Jill Smokler
ISBN-10 9781451673777
Release 2012-04-03
Pages 168
Download Link Click Here

An irreverent assessment of the dark side of parenting combines original essays and anonymous confessions as posted on the ScaryMommy.com site to encourage women to embrace their own parenting approaches without competing with other moms who only seem to have everything under control.



Motherhood Comes Naturally and Other Vicious Lies

Motherhood Comes Naturally  and Other Vicious Lies Author Jill Smokler
ISBN-10 9781476728384
Release 2013-04-09
Pages 176
Download Link Click Here

From the New York Times bestselling author of Confessions of a Scary Mommy and the wildly popular blog ScaryMommy.com, a hilarious new essay collection that exposes the “vicious lies” that every parent is told. Newly pregnant and scared out of her mind, Jill Smokler lay on her gynecologist’s examination table and was told the biggest lie she’d ever heard in her life: “Motherhood is the most natural thing in the world.” Instead of quelling her nerves like that well intentioned nurse hoped to, Jill was instead set up for future of questioning exactly what DNA strand she was missing that made the whole motherhood experience feel less than natural to her. Wonderful? Yes. Miraculous? Of course. Worthwhile? Without a doubt. But natural? Not so much. Jill’s first memoir, the New York Times bestseller Confessions of a Scary Mommy, rocketed to national fame with its down and dirty details about life with her three precious bundles of joy. Now Jill returns with all-new essays debunking more than twenty pervasive myths about motherhood. She’s here to give you what few others will dare: The truth.



Confessions of a Domestic Failure

Confessions of a Domestic Failure Author Bunmi Laditan
ISBN-10 9781488022883
Release 2017-05-01
Pages 400
Download Link Click Here

Instant Bestseller From the creator of The Honest Toddler comes a fiction debut sure to be a must-read for moms everywhere There are good moms and bad moms—and then there are hot-mess moms. Introducing Ashley Keller, career girl turned stay-at-home mom who's trying to navigate the world of Pinterest-perfect, Facebook-fantastic and Instagram-impressive mommies but failing miserably. When Ashley gets the opportunity to participate in the Motherhood Better boot camp run by the mommy-blog-empire maven she idolizes, she jumps at the chance to become the perfect mom she's always wanted to be. But will she fly high or flop? With her razor-sharp wit and knack for finding the funny in everything, Bunmi Laditan creates a character as flawed and lovable as Bridget Jones or Becky Bloomwood while hilariously lambasting the societal pressures placed upon every new mother. At its heart, Ashley's story reminds moms that there's no way to be perfect, but many ways to be great.



I Heart My Little A Holes

I Heart My Little A Holes Author Karen Alpert
ISBN-10 9780062341617
Release 2014-04-08
Pages 304
Download Link Click Here

Following the success of Go the F**k to Sleep, Confessions of a Scary Mommy, and Ketchup Is a Vegetable, a collection of funny, warm, and charmingly profane tales from the frontlines of parenthood by the author of the popular Baby Sideburns blog. Once upon a time you and your partner had a perfect life: dinners out, weekend mornings cuddling in bed, brunch with friends. Then you gave birth to a poop machine (or two). Now, it's all about the pediatrician, breast pumps, princess dresses, and minivans. And discovering that your pride and joy is actually a little A-hole. When your son wakes you up at 3:00 A.M. because he wants to watch Caillou, he's an a-hole. When your daughter outlines every corner of your living room with a purple crayon, she's an a-hole. When your rug rats purposely paint the kitchen ceiling with their smoothies, they're a-holes. At times like these, it's only natural to want to kill them (or yourself). But it's against the law (and there's the suicide hotline). Plus, there's that whole loving them more than anything in the whole world thing. In I Heart My Little A-Holes, Karen Alpert shares hilarious stories, lists, and deep thoughts on the joys and horrors of raising children. Accompanied by cheery illustrations and photos I Heart My Little A-Holes will make you laugh so hard you'll wish you were wearing a diaper.



Parenting Illustrated with Crappy Pictures

Parenting  Illustrated with Crappy Pictures Author Amber Dusick
ISBN-10 9781460309865
Release 2013-04-01
Pages 224
Download Link Click Here

"The drawings aren't very good, Mama." —Crappy Boy, age 5 Of course you love being a parent. But sometimes, it just sucks. I know. I'm Amber Dusick and I started my blog Parenting: Illustrated with Crappy Pictures because I needed a place to vent about the funny (and frustrating) day-to-day things that happened to me as a parent. Turns out, poop is hilarious! At least when you're not the one wiping it up. This book won't make your frustrating moments any less crappy. But these stories about my Crappy Baby, Crappy Boy and my husband, Crappy Papa, will hopefully make you laugh. Because you're not alone. And sometimes the crappiest moments make the best memories. Parenting is wonderful! And also, well, you know.



Moms Who Drink and Swear

Moms Who Drink and Swear Author Nicole Knepper
ISBN-10 9781101650943
Release 2013-04-02
Pages 336
Download Link Click Here

If you feel like your kids are killing you, you’ve come to the right place. Attention all potty-mouthed, cheap-wine-drinking mothers: Prepare to meet your match. Any bad thought you’ve had about your kids, Nicole Knepper has had worse. Much worse. It’s not that she doesn’t love her kids. It’s that she understands what a mind-f*?% it can be to try to civilize those wild little beasts. Based on her hugely popular Facebook page, “Moms Who Drink and Swear,” this book reveals why family dinners are like herpes, how to avoid smashing toys that are being fought over, and the joy of hearing that your son has murdered his imaginary friend. As Nicole rants and raves about caring for children (without crushing their souls), family togetherness (without too many tears), the saving grace of girlfriends (and vodka), and love and marriage (and all the baggage that goes with them), she gets to the heart of what every exasperated mom is thinking, just much funnier.



Sh tty Mum

Sh tty Mum Author Mary Ann Zoellner
ISBN-10 9781444755213
Release 2012-09-13
Pages 224
Download Link Click Here

Children. They want everything and they want it now. They don't care about killing your sex life or the way they add six inches to the length of your breasts, and they sure as hell don't give a sh*t that you only slept four hours last night. Any person, physical need or dream that takes you away from them for even five seconds is their natural enemy and must be crushed with loud, endless cries. This book is about how to survive babies, and what they grow into: children. It's about shortcuts and parenting with 40% effort. You'll learn how to ignore, avoid, threaten and lie in easy-to-skim-while-locked-in-the-bathroom mini-chapters, plus valuable 'How to Fake it' tips to help you through those days when there isn't enough sh*tty advice in the world. We get you. We get your little dictators. And we can help.



Get the Behavior You Want Without Being the Parent You Hate

Get the Behavior You Want    Without Being the Parent You Hate Author Deborah Gilboa, MD
ISBN-10 9781617052149
Release 2014-08-18
Pages 1200
Download Link Click Here

Get the Behavior You Want... Without Being the Parent You Hate! is a roadmap of quick, concrete strategies to help parents use everyday opportunities to create respectful, responsible, and resilient children between the ages of 18 months and 12 yearsówithout screaming or nagging. With Get the Behavior You Want... Without Being the Parent You Hate! youíll know how to eliminate the behaviors you donít want while fostering the behaviors you do want like pitching in around the house, pleasant table manners, managing money, finishing multiple-step assignments, taking risks, asking for help, and coping with bad news. With todayís busy parents in mind, each concise chapter provides easy-to-implement action steps and examples of how to teach respect, responsibility, and resilience plus ways to immediately address tantrums and unacceptable behavior while avoiding future conflicts down the road. Dr. G provides easy ways to modify the advice for children at different developmental stages, ranging from toddlers through kids ready to finish middle school. A hands-on, grab-me-for-a-few-minutes resource, Get the Behavior You Want...Without Being the Parent You Hate! will help parents who are struggling to get to bedtime without tears; parents who want to shop at Target without hearing constant whining and pleading; and parents who want someone to normalize their experience and say, "Yes, this happens. Here's what you can do." Upbeat, lively, and humorous, this book answers parentsí most frequent questions and eliminates the guilt and guesswork out of raising a great kid.



Ketchup Is a Vegetable

Ketchup Is a Vegetable Author Robin O'Bryant
ISBN-10 9781466857193
Release 2013-10-14
Pages 240
Download Link Click Here

If you don't have anything nice to say about motherhood, then... read this book. Robin O'Bryant offers a no holds barred look at the day to day life of being a mother to three, running a household and the everyday monotony of parenting. It's not always pretty but it's real. Whether she's stuffing cabbage in her bra... dealing with defiant yet determined daughters... yelling at the F.B.I... or explaining the birds and the bees to her preschooler... you're sure to find dozens of humorous and relatable situations. From the creator of Robin's Chicks, one of the South's most popular blogs on motherhood, misunderstandings and musings, comes a collection of essays that will not only make you laugh and cry, but realize that you're not alone in your journey. Sit back and relax, pour yourself some "mommy juice," throw a fresh diaper on your baby and deadbolt the bedroom door to keep your kids out... because once you start reading you'll be too busy wiping away tears of laughter to wipe anybody's butt.



Marry Him

Marry Him Author Lori Gottlieb
ISBN-10 9781101185209
Release 2010-02-04
Pages 336
Download Link Click Here

The controversial national bestseller! Nearly forty and single, Lori Gottlieb faced the unthinkable: she'd wasted her best years chasing an elusive Prince Charming who might not even exist. Meanwhile, her friends who'd "settled" for Mr. Good Enough ended up married to excellent husbands and fathers. This is an eye-opening, funny, painful, and always truthful in-depth examination of modern relationships and a wake-up call about getting real about Mr. Right.



Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother

Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother Author Amy Chua
ISBN-10 9781408813164
Release 2011-01-11
Pages 256
Download Link Click Here

A lot of people wonder how Chinese parents raise such stereotypically successful kids. They wonder what Chinese parents do to produce so many math whizzes and music prodigies, what it's like inside the family, and whether they could do it too. Well, I can tell them, because I've done it... Amy Chua's daughters, Sophia and Louisa (Lulu) were polite, interesting and helpful, they were two years ahead of their classmates in maths and had exceptional musical abilities. But Sophia and Lulu were never allowed to attend a sleepover, be in a school play, choose their own extracurricular activities, get any grade less than an A, and not be the #1 student in every subject (except gym and drama). And they had to practice their instruments for hours every day, as well as in school breaks and on family holidays. The Chinese-parenting model certainly seemed to produce results. But what happens when you do not tolerate disobedience and are confronted by a screaming child who would sooner freeze outside in the cold than be forced to play the piano? In Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, Amy Chua relates her experiences raising her children the 'Chinese way', and how dutiful, patient Sophia flourished under the regime and how tenacious, hot-tempered Lulu rebelled. It is a story about a mother, two daughters, and two dogs. It's also about Mozart and Mendelssohn, the piano and the violin, and how they made it to Carnegie Hall. It was supposed to be a story of how Chinese parents are better at raising kids than Western ones. But instead, it's about a bitter clash of cultures, a fleeting taste of glory, and how you can be humbled by a thirteen-year-old. Witty, entertaining and provocative, this is a unique and important book that will transform your perspective of parenting forever.



Listen to Your Mother

Listen to Your Mother Author Ann Imig
ISBN-10 9780698157644
Release 2015-04-07
Pages 256
Download Link Click Here

Irreverent, thought-provoking, hilarious, and edgy: a collection of personal stories celebrating motherhood, featuring #1 New York Times bestselling authors Jenny Lawson and Jennifer Weiner, and many other notable writers. Listen to Your Mother is a fantastic awakening of why our mothers are important, taking readers on a journey through motherhood in all of its complexity, diversity, and humor. Based on the sensational national performance movement, Listen to Your Mother showcases the experiences of ordinary people of all racial, gender, and age backgrounds, from every corner of the country. This collection of essays celebrates and validates what it means to be a mother today, with honesty and candor that is arrestingly stimulating and refreshing. The stories are raw, honest, poignant, and sometimes raunchy, ranging from adoption, assimilation to emptying nests; first-time motherhood, foster-parenting, to infertility; single-parenting, LGBTQ parenting, to special-needs parenting; step-mothering; never mothering, to surrogacy; and mothering through illness to mothering through unsolicited advice. Honest, funny, and heart-wrenching, these personal stories are the collective voice of mothers among us. Whether you are one, have one, or know one, Listen to Your Mother is an emotional whirlwind that is guaranteed to entertain, amuse, and enlighten.



This Is Why We Can t Have Nice Things Parenting Marriage Madness

This Is Why We Can t Have Nice Things   Parenting  Marriage  Madness Author Clint Edwards
ISBN-10 9781483433332
Release 2015-07-06
Pages 214
Download Link Click Here

"Clint is one of my favorite dad voices today ... He's the perfect combination of LOL funny, completely relatable and down to earth. There's nobody else quite like him!" - Jill Smokler, Scary Mommy "Clint Edwards brings real humor to the unsavory parts of childcare..." - Eli Epstein, Mashable "I always know, when I'm about to read a piece by Clint, that I'll end up nodding my head in agreement..." - Amy Joyce, The Washington Post "Clint Edwards writes about fatherhood in a way that is refreshingly self-deprecating and brilliantly honest. With views on parenting that are often off-beat and unconventional, Clint's work emanates a genuine warmth, enthusiasm and most of all, an unshakeable dedication to being the best father he can be." - Grace Koelma, Kidspot "Clint Edwards is dynamic. As a modern dad, his perspective is refreshing and his knack for stating the obvious and otherwise-not-mentioned is what allows him to connect with his readers." -Lara Bestbier, All4Baby.co.za



From Mom to Me Again

From Mom to Me Again Author Melissa Shultz
ISBN-10 9781492618447
Release 2016-07-05
Pages 224
Download Link Click Here

Live your best life—even after your kids leave home When her children left for college, Melissa Shultz was certain that she had prepared them well for their new lives-but her own life was a different matter entirely. Her house was empty, her purpose unclear. If her life was no longer dominated by the day-to-day demands of being "Mom," then who exactly was she? And how would she ever move forward? From Mom to Me Again is the story of one woman's reinvention. Shultz's struggle with the empty nest and the transformation of her marriage, friendships, career, and ultimately herself, is part memoir and part self-help guide. Funny, poignant, and practical, this book tells Shultz's personal story and provides valuable advice for readers preparing to send their children off into the world. She shows women that while they'll always be mothers, it's time for them to take center stage in their own lives once again.



Finding Zoe

Finding Zoe Author Brandi Rarus
ISBN-10 9781940363455
Release 2014-10-07
Pages 288
Download Link Click Here

At just a few months old, Zoe was gradually losing her hearing. Her adoptive parents loved her—yet agonized—feeling they couldn’t handle raising a Deaf child. Would Zoe go back into the welfare system and spend her childhood hoping to find parents willing to adopt her? Or, would she be the long-sought answer to a mother’s prayers? Brandi Rarus was just 6 when spinal meningitis took away her hearing. Because she spoke well and easily adjusted to lip reading, she was mainstreamed in school and socialized primarily in the hearing community. Brandi was a popular, happy teen, but being fully part of every conversation was an ongoing struggle. She felt caught between two worlds—the Deaf and the hearing. In college, Brandi embraced Deaf Culture along with the joys of complete and effortless communication with her peers. Brandi went on to become Miss Deaf America in 1988 and served as a spokesperson for her community. It was during her tenure as Miss Deaf America that Brandi met Tim, a leader of the Gallaudet Uprising in support of selecting the university’s first Deaf president. The two went on to marry and had three hearing boys—the first non-deaf children born in Tim’s family in 125 years. Brandi was incredibly grateful to have her three wonderful sons, but couldn’t shake the feeling something was missing. She didn’t know that Zoe, a six-month-old Deaf baby girl caught in the foster care system, was desperately in need of a family unafraid of her different needs. Brandi found the answer to her prayers when fate brought her new adopted daughter into her life. Set against the backdrop of Deaf America, Finding Zoe is an uplifting story of hope, adoption, and everyday miracles.



The BIGGER Book of Parenting Tweets

The BIGGER Book of Parenting Tweets Author Kim Bongiorno
ISBN-10 0996226206
Release 2015-04-10
Pages 216
Download Link Click Here

Following the enormous success of their first book, "The Big Book of Parenting Tweets," Science of Parenthood and Kate Hall are back with "The BIGGER Book of Parenting Tweets," featuring EVEN MORE of the funniest parents on Twitter! Venturing deep into the Twitterverse in search of even more hilarity, those intrepid editors discovered more than FIFTY of the funniest comedians who just happen to be parents. Together with still more of Science of Parenthood's signature cartoons and special "behind the tweets" stories, Book Two is BIGGER ... it's BOLDER ... and gosh darn it, people LIKE it! Praise for The Big Book of Parenting Tweets: "The perfect book for parents who want -- NEED -- to laugh, but don't have time to sit down and read a daunting book. Grab it, head to the bathroom and lock the door until they find you!" - Jill Smokler, author of Confessions of a Scary Mommy "The Big Book of Parenting Tweets dishes up bite-size nuggets of funny. Impossible to read just one." - Jen Mann, author of "People I Want to Punch in the Throat: Competitive Crafters, Drop-Off Despots, and Other Suburban Scourges" "This book is HILARIOUS. Being a parent is a frustrating, hilarious, weird, wild experience. This book captures some of the best of our snark. You need it. You do." - Nicole Knepper, author of "Moms Who Drink and Swear" A terrific read, featuring some of the funniest (and most honest) parents in the Twitterverse... my go-to gift for new parents! - Johanna Stein, author of "How Not To Calm A Child On A Plane and Other Parenting Advice from a Questionable Source" Here is just a peek at some of what you'll find inside: I don't believe in spanking my children, but I do believe in flipping them off from the other room. - Jewel Nunez (@OneFunnyMummy) Me prying a toy hammer from my 4yo: "Stop. It's not hammer time!" Parenting is lonely when nobody's there to hear your outdated references. - Full Metal Mommy (@FullMetalMommy) The saddest thing I have ever seen is watching my son trying to carve a Playstation 3 out of a giant lump of coal on Christmas. - Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) All restaurants should have a $200 cover charge for babies. - Rodney Lacroix (@Moooooog35) No, honey. The deer is just sleeping. They tied him down so he wouldn't fall off the top of their Ford Explorer. - Linda Doty (@LindaInDisguise)